Still Not Sleeping

  More of that email funny stuff. Still not getting much sleep. Gosh Valleri’s ears must be burning after writing about not getting any sleep!  Jeff is in Vegas all week. Grass certainly isn’t greener as far as this new company is concerned. Jeff is pretty dissappointed with the way things are on his first assignment. Well I don’t know all the facts so I won’t say any more then that. My work is getting better. Actually the whole store look 100% better. A lot of the business on the south side of the Flat Irons Mall are in trouble. There’s just not the esposier to grow their business. Wal-Mart is going to have a big carnival in the parking lot and all the restaurants in the area will cator it and we will supply the games and prizes. Hopefully this will let the public know about thease other establishmentsand and stir up more business for them and us. The location on the south side of the main road is not so hot. And there are so many stores on the north side that people just don’t want to have to start the car again and find yet another parking place. Okay I am rambling and getting tired again. I’m going to see if I can sneak in another 4 hours sleep…..yawn…nite nite.

Why, Why, Why????

..1…Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the
batteries are getting weak?

..2…Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know
there is no money in the account?

..3…Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

..4…Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?

..5…Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

..6…Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?

..7…Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you
throw a revolver at him?

..8…Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

..9…Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

..10..If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

..11..Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the
bubbles are always white?

..12..Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

..13..Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes
that something new to eat will have materialized?

..14..Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their
vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it
down to give the vacu um one more chance?

..15..Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you first
try?

..16..How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

..17..When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It’s all
right?" Well, it isn’t all right so why don’t we say, "That hurt, you
stupid idiot?"

..18..Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s
falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

..19..In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in
summer when we complained about the heat?

..20..How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

..21..If at first you don’t succeed, shouldn’t you try it like your wife
told you to do it?

..23…And my FAVORITE……

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is
suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best
friends, if they’re okay, then it’s you.

Do you remember these songs?

  Why do my friends keep sending me things that joke about getting older?  When I was in my 20’s and 30’s I don’t remember joking about my age. I am 50 years old now and I can’t tell you how many ‘getting older’ jokes I hear and read. Well I guess that’s a good thing, it means my eyes and ears are still working!  LOL  My girlfriend sent me this email and I got a chuckle out of it, because I relate to some of them. Oh gosh! I know the words to most of these songs too, LOL!!!

 

 Mid Life Hits

It was fun being a baby boomer – until now.  
Some of the artists of the 60’s are revising their music hits
with new lyrics to accommodate baby boomers
once again in their golden years.   
They include:
Herman’s Hermits  – –  Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Walker
The Bee Gees —    How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.
Bobby Darin —   Splish, Splash, I Was Havin’ a Flash.
Ringo Starr —   I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.
Roberta Flack —  The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.
Johnny Nash —   I Can’t See Clearly Now.
Paul Simon —   Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
The Commodores —  Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.
Marvin Gaye —   Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.
Leo Sayer —   You Make Me Feel Like Napping.
The Temptations — Papa’s Got a Kidney Stone .
Mountain — Denture Queen.
Tony Orlando — Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.
Helen Reddy — I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.
Willie Nelson — On the Commode Again!!!

Are you laughing? I hope so. Another holiday slips by me, sorry it’s late, xxxoooxxx to everyone in bloggerville. Here is the Valentine picture Colleen sent me from Froggy.

Another Wal-Mart Joke

  My friends are always sending me every Wal-Mart joke they come across. Pretty funny!

 

 

 

Blind Wal-Mart Clerk

 A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s
birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and
goes over to the counter. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there wearing
dark shades. She says, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about
this rod and reel?"

 He says, "Ma’am, I’m completely blind but if you’ll drop it on the
counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the
sound it makes."

She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says,
"That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and
10-LB. Test line. It’s a good all around combination; and it’s on sale
this week for only $20.00." She says, "It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of
it dropping on the counter. I’ll take it!" As she opens her purse, her
credit card drops on the floor. "Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.

 She bends down to pick it up and accidentally breaks wind. At first she
is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk
could tell it was she who farted. Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she
was the only person around.

 The man rings up the sale and says, "That’ll be $34.50 please."

 The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn’t you tell me it
was on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?" He replies, "Yes, Ma’am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call
is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."

 

    

Three Women In A Sauna

        I got this email from a friend and I thought it was a real hoot. I love starting my day laughing!
         _________________________________________________________________________________________________________
     THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN,
      WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA

      SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND.
      THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP
      STOPPED.
      THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.
    "THAT WAS MY PAGER," SHE SAID.
      I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.

    A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG.
     THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR.
     WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE
     PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."

   THE OLD ER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUT DONE,
    SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE.
    SHE STEPPED OUTSIDE OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE
    BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER
    HANGING FROM HER REAR END.    
    THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.  
    THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID………
     "WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT.. I’M GETTING A FAX!!

Time to laugh with Pam

 

Time to laugh with Pam

MAN "1" TEENAGER "0"

You gotta love this old guy!

 I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him.

 The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors, green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him.

 The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time.

 When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What’s the matter, old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

 The old man did not bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock.

 I was just wondering if you were my son."